The Phrases shared by My Father That Helped Us when I became a New Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to take a respite - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."